Thursday, March 28, 2013

Austin Turns SEVEN

My Austin is Seven are the things I know about Austin:

~  you love hoodies
~  you love supercross - you will watch old dvr'd races and will wage a war against Aden when he has the audacity to suggest watching a cartoon
~  you are smart.  so smart.  you are such a logical thinker, just like your parents
~  you wont do anything if it doesn't benefit you in some way - you want money, a reward, an outcome that will get you closer to a goal of some sort
~  you are your Daddy's boy - he has you by his side during EVERYTHING because it's literally like a mini version of himself chilling with him
~  you love legos - you build all the time and though you have a hard time letting your creative side come through, you are getting better at it and you enjoy it more and more
~  you need down time.  you need alone time.  you will get really, really overwhelmed and ANGRY if you don't get the time you need when you need it.
~  you start soccer and baseball in a couple weeks and are really excited - daddy and i are excited too!
~  you have my blue eyes - the only one who kept my eye color!
~  your best friends from school are Logan and Owen - your best friends in home life are Sam and Cam - your best friend in family life is Ava - you are planning to marry Stella and I hope you do :) 
~  you get SO excited about going to MN to visit Cass & Jon and the girls!! 
~  you love your grandparents and have an amazing relationship with your Grandma Jane - it's crazy to watch you two connect so well
~  you sing a lot to the radio
~  you ask if words are bad words all the time (sexy, stupid etc)
~  you curse when you're mad - you called your friend a bitch two days ago & got in more trouble for lying to me about actually saying it ... dont lie to your mom, man...
~  you are into whatever your dad is into - currently rollerhockey! 

What I remember about the day you were born:

~  I was nervous and SO excited at the same time
~  I went to the doctor the morning of the 27th because I was having pretty bad back pains and they said my blood pressure was pretty high so they would just send me over to the hospital and induce me the next morning
~  I hated pitocin.  your wife will too.
~  I loved the doctor who gave me the epidural - he was nice and kind and considerate
~  I was terrified when Dr Osborn told me I wasn't dilating - a c-section wasn't even something I researched let alone something I wanted to have
~  I was being wheeled to the operating room and my parents were there and I was so sad because i felt like your dad's parents would be upset and because I wanted time to just have my family of three - all by myself.

What you wanted for your birthday:

~  a trampoline
~  rollerblades
~  lego gold mine edition
~  bey blades

What you got for your birthday:

~  roller blades (they were really expensive and you got them early because your grandparents bought you accessories/pads/helmet for them and we didn't want them to give it away - you haven't stopped wearing them ALL over the house, you're ruining my carpet and I don't even care)
~  a swimsuit cover / hooded towel type thing

I love you, I love your personality.  I love that you call people (even your dad and I) out on our bullshit.  I love that you're not afraid of a confrontation.  I know that there are days I try to curb it or correct it, but honestly - it's a rare quality that you are hard wired with.

You are so active and never stop moving, you constantly want to be on the go, or on something with wheels.  You have the funniest laugh - you think it's so funny to yank more teeth out so the tooth fairy has to pay up - you are extremely ticklish - you are talented and very smart.

Your teacher told us that you see things in a very black and white matter - there isn't much room for grey with you.  She'd be right.  You want to be healthy.  You are learning about food groups at school and it's pretty inspiring to hear you talk about health and wellness. 

You are a pretty great big brother.  You are willing to give up your things when Aaron wants them, you are willing to build things with Legos to stop Aaron from playing with your creations and will help Aden think of new ways to do things with his creations.  You are great at playing games - electronic and board games - you love water and will learn to swim this summer! 

I hope you keep your sense of humor and common sense.  I hope you continue to see things as black and white and that you will forever stand up for yourself and tell the world that something is wrong when it is.  I hope you find your niche and outlet early on and that you forever maintain a strong identity. 

Monday, March 18, 2013

Aden turns five

My Aden is FIVE today.  Here is a list of things I know about Aden:

~  You love the color green
~  You have hazel eyes
~  You love cartoons & all things television/movie related
~  You are THRILLED to start Soccer & Baseball in a few weeks!
~  You scream-cry when you're upset or hurt - it scares the b'jesus out of everyone who meets you and hears it for the first time, but when you're ok they end up being ok too.
~  You have your own voice - and know how to use it
~  Speaking of your own voice - it has it's own sound and I hope extracting your adenoids and tonsils doesn't change it.
~  You are definitely Mommy's boy.  You tell me all the time when it's clear that Austin and Aaron are Daddy's boys
~  You know every lyric to One Direction's What Makes You Beautiful chorus
~  You are the first to share or be kind to someone who is struggling or upset
~  Your best friend is Hayden P. - you two are inseparable
~  You are reading sight words, can write and spell your first and last name and understand currency increments (we can thank Austin for that ... he's obsessed with money), you also can count REALLY high - but got bored at 50 when we were seeing how high you could go
~  You have a pair of the most kissable ears
~  Both of your brothers are jealous of you because the kitties love you.  They sleep with you almost every night and won't leave your side anytime you're sitting still.  Austin is constantly telling us that it's not fair and we know that they love you because of how much you love them

Things I remember from the day you were born:

~  Daddy took pictures of the actual csection procedure ... pretty cool
~  I was scared you would be too little
~  I was scared you would be sick all the time
~  The nurse kept refusing to give you to me until Daddy yelled at her
~  I was really, REALLY sick after you were born (Sabrina reminded me of that one)
~  There was a tornado warning the day after you were born and we all got to hang out in the hospital hallway
~  I got a call from the doctor late on March 17th telling me that my platelets had dropped and that we would need to do the csection the next morning.  I didn't want to have 300 people at the hospital, so I asked Sabrina to come sit with Austin during the day while I went to have you so that we could have our own little family time for a few hours before I had to share my family of four with the rest of the world.  I didn't regret keeping it a secret then, I don't regret it now & I will never regret that time that was just for me and you.

What you wanted for your birthday:

~ a trampoline
~ an imaginex castle
~ rescue bots firetruck
~ a trip to build a bear workship

What you're actually getting for your birthday (from Daddy & I):

~ an imaginex castle
~ a rescue bots firetruck
~ a rocket launcher toy for outside (i found that one, your dad was SO jealous and wanted one too)
~ a swimsuit cover up/robe/hooded towel - it's green, don't worry

We love you - you are so proud of you and can't believe that you are getting ready to go to Kindergarten this fall.  It seems unreal to me, but I can tell you're ready.  You went with Daddy to help volunteer at Austin's LEGO club a few weeks ago and couldn't wait to tell me all about it and how excited you were to be there at, "Austin's big school" and that you weren't shy at all. 

I hope you keep your gentle spirit as time passes, that you are able to put others first without being walked all over, that you find a way to express yourself and that you continue to love music as much as I do.  I don't worry about you - at all.  You are a lot like I was at your age and I'm thrilled with the adult that I am now.  I find myself justifying your actions because I can see where your head was when it all happened - you make complete sense to me.

Friday, March 1, 2013

It's not's you.

Breaking up is hard to do ... except when the break up is with you.

It is no secret that we aren't as close as we used to be.  It's no secret that we don't talk anymore, that I don't know you anymore.  It's no surprise that you have no idea why.  You are so self absorbed and always only worried about what you think that I would bet you think we both just got busy.

"We" didn't get busy.  I just stopped doing all of the work that goes into having a real relationship because I realized that you suck.  You have always had these great ambitions and everyone was expected to jump on board with you or face being condemned because they had the audacity to try to hold you back.  Trust me, darling - they weren't trying to hold you back from your dreams, they were trying to hold you back from yourself.  You want to think of yourself as a free spirit - I think of you as a flake. 

You had no interest in being there for me, no interest in being my best friend, no interest in knowing me & growing with me and holding up your end of the bargain and for that reason - I dumped you.  You add nothing to my life, you take and take only to give me a glimmer of hope that you're going to start to pull your own weight, but at the end of the day, you're not - you won't - and you'll never have to.  You'll be lucky enough to find someone else to tow your load, stroke your ego and deal with your bullshit for the next decade & I honestly feel sorry for her.  She doesn't deserve the truckload of shit you're about to ask her to spoon feed herself.  

 For the record, I don't even hate you and aside from an eye roll, I don't give you much of a thought.  Occasionally, I take a trip down memory lane and remember how much of an impact we had on each other's lives.  A solid 80% of my memories from age 16-21 involved you and they were happy, they were fun - they will be forever cherished.  Unfortunately, a MEMORY isn't reason enough for me to try anymore.  I'll think of your face when I hear an anthem that pulls me back to high school & I'll be happy enough to catch up with you at a class reunion in five years.

But not today.  Today you hurt my best friend.  Today you and your carelessness caused her pain and like the rest of us, she has decided that it's not worth addressing with you - she's probably right - it would likely fall on deaf ears.  Today I was reminded why I have been done with you for over a year now.  I can only hope that she figures out it's time that she tells you no to put herself first for ONCE and that she drops you like a used condom on a saturday night.  I did.  It feels GREAT.  Best of luck in the future!