Valley Fair

June has escaped me in a big way, so I needed to take just a few minutes to write about how AMAZING our weekend was.

We loaded up the mini van and schlepped the kids plus Aunt Tara to Minnesota where we met my sister and her three kids and headed off to Valley Fair.  Let me just start by saying, hip hip ho-frickin-ray for Aunt Tara being there.  I told her that she should literally market her skills and go on family vacations with people to fabulous places (as if they get much better than a trip in a mini van to minnesota?!) and be a helping hand with their kids.

She was WONDERFUL.  She did stuff.  She helped.  She disciplined she with us, not against us.  She reached things when they fell.  She gave of herself and genuinely interacted with our kids.  It was amazing.

Now, before you get snarky about me taking someone with us, or telling me that it's possible that I had too many kids if i NEED her to go - my logic was simple...she was intended to be someone who would hang back with the stroller when the need presented itself at Valley Fair.  As an amazing bonus, she was so much more than that.  She kept arguing with me when I paid for her food (give me a break, Wendy's for dinner Friday, Pizza Ranch for dinner Saturday and McDonalds for breakfast on Sunday was all I could cover because she was sneaky at the park and bought her own food) and jumped in with my sister's kids and was well worth the minimal cost of the meal and her ticket at Valley Fair.

My kids had a blast.  Wanna know why?!?!?!  Because their parents were having fun.  We were relaxed and enjoying ourselves and everything was how they show it on the Disney commercials!!!

So a few highlights from the weekend:

~ Austin had to be bribed with $15 to ride the kiddie roller coaster  ($5 from me, $10 from his dad), this is the same roller coaster that Aden and Aaron rode like three times each...
~ Travis rode the Wild Thing and Corkscrew -- and gave me hell because I didn't ... am I afraid of these rides?  No, actually, I'm not, but I am kinda that person that has a hard time balancing a trip/day for "adults" and "kids" ... I got nervous that I would get gung ho on rides I actually wanted to go on and end up stealing their thunder.  So I stuck to the kiddie area...
~ My niece rode every single roller coaster in the park except for two ... because they shut one down and the other one she wasn't tall enough for - go Ava Rae.
~ Pizza Ranch post Valley Fair is the best option in the world.  Everyone eats rightthissecond and it's a beautiful thing.
~ my nieces all have a pretty insane sense of adventure, my boys have a desire to live and will not be made to die by the scrambler no matter how many times their cousins tell them they are safe
~ we all watched Identity Thief and laughed - a lot.
~ my sister and i stayed up until reallllllyyyy late talking and i loved it...i also loved it when Tara would wake up, jump in the coversation and pass right back out :)  It was good stuff.

This is going to be a good week.

That's all I've got for now, a super random update -  sorry about that.

Week Two - Weight Watchers

Today marks the second week of my transition to the Weight Watchers lifestyle (you'd think I'd joined a swingers club...lifestyle?  who am I?  The Godfather!?).

As of today I have lost 9 pounds total and am transitioning fairly well.  I haven't had soda in over two weeks and for the most part have stuck to water, though I found that HyVee carries Huberts Lemonade and it's only 3 points for the whole giant glass container so that is my special something when I need something more than water.

One time, a doctor told me there is no room in my life for soda and she was right.  It's actually not hard for me to quit soda, but I find that I REALLLLLLLYYYYY want one when I'm:

1)  Eating Pizza
2)  At a restaurant where the pop is included with the meal.  who does this.  don't get crafty, food establishments of America.  I see your, "it's included with the price of the meal" and will raise you a, "water, with lemon, please"
3) At QuickTrip

Somewhere along the road my parents started a "lets order pizza because it's Friday night" and for whatever reason, Travis has always agreed with it and thought it was the best idea ever.  What goes great with a greasy, oil covered, loaded-with-cheese pizza?  Pepsi.  Cherry Pepsi.  Cherry Coke.   What doesn't accompany pizza well?  Water.  Lame.  Also, what can't I "afford" to have (points budget wise) when I'm eating pizza?  My Lemonade.

When I go to a restaurant and they tell me that the soda is or is basically free when I get the meal.  Listen, I realize it's free.  Listen to me when I tell you that it was hard enough to JUST order whatever I ordered and not order what I WANTED to order.  What I WANTED to order, my dear friends, would make Jillian Michaels blush.  So no.  I do not want the free pop. 

At some point and time Kum & Go and Quick Trip started their war over 32 ounce fountain sodas.  THIRTYTWO OUNCES?!!  That is TWELVE points.  Do you know what I could EAT for 12 points!?  So!  I stay out of QT or Kum & Go.

This is a budget.  This is a numbers game.  I do well with budgets and I do well with numbers.  I can figure out a way to make the square peg fit in the round hole, without compromising the integrity of the peg or the hole.  It's a numbers game.

Game-Frickin-On.

Harsh Realities

My first week on Weight Watchers was filled with sobering realities.

Did you know that the "healthy" subway that I order was worth 22 points?  That's the one I get when I don't want to feel bad for getting the one I usually get .. the one I actually want.
Did you know that the B-Bops I used to order was worth more points that I'm able to have in a day?   Used to.
Pizza?  One large slice from Pizza Hut is 10 points.

WOW.  Gross.

And please don't mistake what I'm saying - I'm not saying these foods are gross.  I'm saying it's gross to think about eating three-four slices of pizza after I had the nearly 40 points in bbops for lunch.  That's what I'm saying is gross.

This was a harsh realization for me.  To realize that I've been eating my entire day's points in one sitting and refusing to stop there.  Refusing to pay attention to what it was doing to my body or my soul.  What impact it has had on my relationship with my husband, what impact it will inevitably have on my relationship with my children.

Any questions on why my weight went up by nearly 70 pounds over the past 10 years!?!  Because it wasn't having the three kids, and it wasn't the exercise/activity level.  It's exclusively related to my diet.

This was a HARD week for me when learning to calculate and learning what everything "costs" me.

I didn't cry this week...but I wanted to.

Watching Weight

I have never really dieted - and it shows. 

I had a physician one time that I LOVED tell me, "Hollie, you either live to eat or you eat to live"  that was 5 years and 50 pounds ago, when I was considered 20-25 pounds overweight.

I have spent roughly six of the last eight years pregnant or nursing and told myself that it was pointless to focus on my weight while I was pregnant or nursing ... now?  Unless God has another plan for Trav and I, we are done having kids.  We have a 7 year old, a 5 year old and an almost-3-year-old - they are beautiful creatures who are happy and healthy and cared for...he and I? we are unhealthy and overweight.

step one:  Drop soda. 
step two:  Start Weight Watchers  (*gulp*)
step three: Buy a scale (tonight on amazon, because I have gift cards at home)
step four:  Weigh, Measure, Modify and repeat

Notice how I don't have exercise on there?  My company pays for a gym membership for my entire family.  Exercise isn't going to fit into my life right this second.  I'm going to focus on this part, because that same doc who gave me those fabulous words to live by also mentioned that while exercise is important for your organs and you will burn calories in the process, if you can only focus on ONE area, start with diet.  So I am.

I'm nervous to hit publish because it seems like people will constantly be scrutinizing me for just putting it out there, but I feel like publishing it will also add an accountability factor that might help me to look back and see where I'm at.  

Mortified.

So, Monday at baseball, Aaron had a mellllllllttttt down.  You've seen the kind...where at first, you're annoyed at the kid's mom because if she was a better parent, she would have reeled that child in, and redirected him and he would be sitting calm and patient waiting for his brother to finish up his hour long baseball game that started 4 minutes ago...but then by the end of the game you're about in tears for the mom because she's clearly doing the best that she can based on the circumstances.

Anyway, I finally timed out and took him to the car, under my arm - kicking and screaming all the way to my mini van.  don't be jealous.

We had parked at the back of the field, and Austin went with me and Aaron. Travis was collapsing our four camping chairs and fitting all four back in that iddy biddy bag that comes with it.  Aden got done with his game a few minutes later and headed to the car.  Like any other soccer mom, I pushed the button to open my not so fancy 2006 Chrysler Town & Country's doors and they gracefully open.  This little boy walks behind Aden and takes a long look in our mini van.  His eyes get wide, his jaw drops, and he hardly utters, "woah.  your car is messy, messy, messy"  I give him a look that tells him to shut his pie hole and push my button to shut the door.  He reaches his hand out right as the door is about to make it's signature whirring sound (to seal me and my family in our safe haven of mess) and grabs the handle.  The door, with its incredible safety features opens back up because it doesn't know that I don't want it to stop for anyone's limb at this point.  He continues, "why do you have all of that stuff in your car?  shouldn't it be in your house?  it looks really, really gross in there"  I push the button again, the door closes because I snarkily tell the kid that it's not nice to touch things that aren't his.

Mortified.

Little Shit.

On Tuesday someone in the world of baseball thought it was a SWEET idea to schedule Austin for a double header - "TWO hours of baseball right in a row, Mom" so I didn't have time to address the van in all of its awesomeness.

Wednesday, I took my dad to cardio-rehab and made it a point to tell him, before he told me, that I'm cleaning out my van after work.  I cleaned it out and probably lost more weight doing that than any workout on a treadmill - haha - well, theoretically, since i don't work out on the treadmill - just ask my jowels and gut.

Either way, this morning I finished and it's beautiful - smells great, is clean and the only THINGS in there are: Sunblock, spare Pull-ups, four camping chairs (because the 5th person is always IN the game and doesn't need a seat), a giant, oversized umbrella that has a stake that goes into the ground so I can shield my albino babies (and self) from the sun anywhere we go, 5 cd's and a cell phone charger.   There are also 3 yak-sacks that I snagged the last time I was at Methodist West ER because there are AMAZING and at the time, Austin was puking every 15 minutes.

I would love to finish with some make-you-jealous line about how there will be no more food/fast food/cups/gatorade bottles/spare clothes/a partridge/a pear tree in my vehicle, but it's not going to happen.  I have three kids and a BUSY life.  You may not see it as an excuse, but to that I would offer you the opportunity to suck my big toe.  And my big toe, dear friends, is a lot more G rated than what I was going to tell you to suck.

So for the kid on Aden's baseball team who has a mommy with a clean car, good for you.  Judge me again, and make my kid feel sad about the words your filter failed to absorb, and I'll tell you the real reason that your mommy has a clean car is to impress her boyfriend not her husband. 

The Percocet Poo

I have been an avid supporter of massages/backrubs since I was a teenager.  It wasn't about an excuse for some boy (or girl) to touch me, it wasn't about something sexual, it wasn't because I wasn't hugged enough as a child - I just LIKE being massaged.

I think we are so hard on our bodies and we never realize it because we rarely take the time to let ourselves relax long enough to realize that we're sore.

I have a lady, Karmen.  She's wonderful.  I have been seeing her since November of 2010 and have LOVED her.  I don't cheat on her.  She is a genuinely wonderful person!  She is thorough, she actually cares about what you say, she listens, talks, and even prays with you before the session (if you're me).

Anyway, she has been begging me to let her try a stomach massage out - said something about if my lower back is ALWAYS bothering me, it could be because my ab muscles (haha.) are too tight and by elongating them it will relieve the persistent back ache that every MD has told me was because I'm not skinny and I don't have small boobs.

So this time around, I told her we'd give it a go.  I also told her that my bladder/kidney has been feisty and has been trying to be infected for awhile now - and I would've gone to the doctor, but I don't have health insurance...so...homeopathic, right!?

She is excited.  She tells me all about how she will use Shiatsu massage to help with the kidney and bladder and I'm all for it.  I'm not all for the stomach part, but that's simply because it's a whole lotta surface area and I don't like to think about the amount of lotion that would be involved in moistening that quantity of flesh. 

SO - she's working on my feet, kidney one and kidney two.  and working on other meridians - and i'm like, "holy lord, what is THAT and why does it feel like my bone just popped through my skin!?!"  she is laughing, because I may be exaggerating - and she's telling me that this is my liver meridian, my whatever, my whatever else and we're still on my feet here people.  I don't have sensitive feet.  At all.  I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin and hide in a corner!!!

Eventually, she proceeds with the rest of the Swedish/Shiatsu massage and I'm re-freaking-laxed.  It was amazing!  Then she drapes a sheet over my chest and starts working on my stomach.  It was nothing like I expected, didn't feel weird at all, but she was working with my breathing and was getting pretty deep in the fat tissue and I was pretty relaxed. 

Now, she DID ask me if I have any issues with constipation or IBS or anything like that, and I don't.  I thought it was odd that she was asking me, until yesterday afternoon, when I had what I affectionately call the percocet poo.  (percocet is a fabulous pain killer they give you post csection to help with pain, only bum deal is that it is a HUGE constipatory, so by the time your stool softners get the memo your first REAL poo post csection is almost as big as your baby was...no?  just me?  oh, okay - my bad).    I ALMOST called Travis in to look at it, I was so proud of myself!!  Don't judge me.  I thought that was kinda cool at the time, less cool I've had three more percocet poos in the last 24 hours.  I'm pretty sure I shat out food I ate in the second grade.  I was floored.

My biggest regrets (surrounding this massage) involve:
~ not weighing myself before the massage to be able to compare the numbers
~ not having the stomach massage sooner
~ not taking ibuprofen post massage - it's been 48 hours and I feel amazing but am SUPER sore in SUCH a good way (like when you have amazing sex all night long and you feel like walking is too much work for the next day or two)

Having said that - whatever she did with my meridians worked.  No more bladder issues and I wouldn't lie about that.  Also, I have been CRAVING water - yay for my guts/body/soul/weight issues.

The House of the Half Assed

I live in a house where majority of our projects and lifestyle changes are half assed.  We, as a family, have become quite efficient at shit-shifting our lives.  Do you know what shit-shifting is?  It's when you focus intently on ONE PART of your house/life/career and clear all of the clutter from that ONE spot and it looks nice, but in reality all you did was cluttered up other areas of your life.  So I might shit-shift on my main floor, but rest assured my upstairs and basement is DISGUSTING.  I might shit shift and become better about going to the gym and working out, but then find that my relationships with my kids suffers - or my house falls apart because I get tunnel vision. 

When we toured our house before we bought it, it was immaculate!  Even with whatever amount of clutter existed from two people living there for 50+ years and raising their four children there (who are now grown adults) the home was immaculate.  Every wall white, every nook and cranny cleaned.  Each piece of furniture was a solid 20 years old and it didn't matter because they were still in pristine condition.  Bill & Helen took care of this house.  They loved this house.  The basement had file cabinets lining the walls and they were packed to the brim (yes, i checked - shut it) - they had a strawberry patch in the back yard with a hollow owl to scare away squirrels.  Everything was immaculate.  They could fit two, yes TWO cars in their garage.  at the SAME TIME.

We moved in and basically shat on it.

We brought an 18 month old and a 3 1/2 year old in and then, just for fun added another baby like a year later.  With babies come bottles, pump accessories, dishes, toys, laundry, and chaos.  Before I knew it, my house came to life.  My laundry haunts me like a bad memory that I continue to relive via my dreams.  My pristine 3000 square foot house that literally has 16 rooms if you count the bathrooms has turned on me.

Do you know how AWFUL it is to clean THREE bathrooms?!?!  I do.  I avoid it like a cat avoids a bath.  But GAWD the smell is horrible.  Little boys pee EVERYWHERE and NEVER flush.  I may or may not have looked into the automatic flushing toilette that would eliminate the problem entirely.  They are banished from using MY bathroom but that doesn't fix the pocket bathroom on the main floor and *gulp* their bathroom.

Do you know how much CARPET is in a 3000 square foot house!?  It's STUPID.  My Dyson is about to flip me the bird after I've emptied the canister like three times - and to be clear, I only empty the canister when I hear Tarv yelling at me about it.  Then I make a snarky comment about how if HE is the canister expert he should handle the vacuuming and generally follow with an insult about what a douche he's being.

Any thoughts about how much "better" and "easier" life gets when the boys get older is a wives tale.  Trust me, that theory will hold as much water as a macaroni strainer.  Wanna know what actually happens!?  They get bigger, their clothes get bigger, their appetites get bigger, their brazen behavior gets bigger, their messes get bigger.  What used to take me 10 minutes to pick up myself now is a 45 minute argument with two perfectly capable children about how it's not my mess, it's theirs, and they need to learn responsibility now or they never will.  Followed by me having the worlds biggest internal conflict with myself because they are little kids, and I could just let them be and do it myself and it'd be done right and no one would be fighting.  Then I'm all over the place about which is better - teaching them responsibility if that means spending time arguing with them or letting it go and risking having ridiculous habits to break down the road. 

Austin throws these temper tantrums that are so big, so grand, so angry, littered with negativity and at times curse words - truthfully, I've only seen erratic behavior like that come from one person - me.  Aden would rather watch TV than do ANYTHING, he's convinced that anything else is boring and that he doesn't want to get up, at all, ever, for anyone - I've only seen behavior like THAT from one person - me.  They both leave their crap everywhere - they both never finish what they started working on, they both leave dishes, snack remnants, laundry EVERYWHERE.  Guess who they learned that from.  Yep, me. 

I am having a hard time with this one because I see it & while I'm perfectly content with where I am in my professional career - I'm REALLY struggling.  Not to mention, not everyone can pull off this behavior quite like I can.  Not everyone can pull off a hot temper and seemingly lazy housekeeping skills and survive.  Somewhere along the lines, I learned restraint - truthfully, I have to be pushed PRETTY FLIPPIN FAR to react like austin reacts.  What makes me nervous is that I didn't act that way when I was 7.  I didn't come into that until later on in life - so what happens for him?    Same with Aden - I have always loved TV - and I'm obese.  I don't want that for him.  He is already incredibly susceptible to that for the simple fact that Trav and I are overweight.  I realize I was never SKINNY, and he doesn't seem to have the body type to be SKINNY - but is that really reason enough to write it off?

I haven't mentioned much of Aaron in this post because he's still so young - early predictions say he'll have a temper like Austin me but will be constantly on the go like his father...which, by the way - didn't protect Trav from obesity either.  As a thirty-something adult he is VERY active, struggles with weight because the fact of the matter is, changing your diet is hard.

I'm tired of having things half assed.  I'm tired of being halfway done with everything.  It's not fun.  On the back side of this blog I made some check lists or goals that I'm going to TRY to accomplish in efforts to be a better example for my kids AND maintain a balance while I'm making changes....  Bonus - maybe it'll give me some blogging material for the future!  Here's hoping.