Mortified.

So, Monday at baseball, Aaron had a mellllllllttttt down.  You've seen the kind...where at first, you're annoyed at the kid's mom because if she was a better parent, she would have reeled that child in, and redirected him and he would be sitting calm and patient waiting for his brother to finish up his hour long baseball game that started 4 minutes ago...but then by the end of the game you're about in tears for the mom because she's clearly doing the best that she can based on the circumstances.

Anyway, I finally timed out and took him to the car, under my arm - kicking and screaming all the way to my mini van.  don't be jealous.

We had parked at the back of the field, and Austin went with me and Aaron. Travis was collapsing our four camping chairs and fitting all four back in that iddy biddy bag that comes with it.  Aden got done with his game a few minutes later and headed to the car.  Like any other soccer mom, I pushed the button to open my not so fancy 2006 Chrysler Town & Country's doors and they gracefully open.  This little boy walks behind Aden and takes a long look in our mini van.  His eyes get wide, his jaw drops, and he hardly utters, "woah.  your car is messy, messy, messy"  I give him a look that tells him to shut his pie hole and push my button to shut the door.  He reaches his hand out right as the door is about to make it's signature whirring sound (to seal me and my family in our safe haven of mess) and grabs the handle.  The door, with its incredible safety features opens back up because it doesn't know that I don't want it to stop for anyone's limb at this point.  He continues, "why do you have all of that stuff in your car?  shouldn't it be in your house?  it looks really, really gross in there"  I push the button again, the door closes because I snarkily tell the kid that it's not nice to touch things that aren't his.

Mortified.

Little Shit.

On Tuesday someone in the world of baseball thought it was a SWEET idea to schedule Austin for a double header - "TWO hours of baseball right in a row, Mom" so I didn't have time to address the van in all of its awesomeness.

Wednesday, I took my dad to cardio-rehab and made it a point to tell him, before he told me, that I'm cleaning out my van after work.  I cleaned it out and probably lost more weight doing that than any workout on a treadmill - haha - well, theoretically, since i don't work out on the treadmill - just ask my jowels and gut.

Either way, this morning I finished and it's beautiful - smells great, is clean and the only THINGS in there are: Sunblock, spare Pull-ups, four camping chairs (because the 5th person is always IN the game and doesn't need a seat), a giant, oversized umbrella that has a stake that goes into the ground so I can shield my albino babies (and self) from the sun anywhere we go, 5 cd's and a cell phone charger.   There are also 3 yak-sacks that I snagged the last time I was at Methodist West ER because there are AMAZING and at the time, Austin was puking every 15 minutes.

I would love to finish with some make-you-jealous line about how there will be no more food/fast food/cups/gatorade bottles/spare clothes/a partridge/a pear tree in my vehicle, but it's not going to happen.  I have three kids and a BUSY life.  You may not see it as an excuse, but to that I would offer you the opportunity to suck my big toe.  And my big toe, dear friends, is a lot more G rated than what I was going to tell you to suck.

So for the kid on Aden's baseball team who has a mommy with a clean car, good for you.  Judge me again, and make my kid feel sad about the words your filter failed to absorb, and I'll tell you the real reason that your mommy has a clean car is to impress her boyfriend not her husband.