Demolition Derby Details

Call it a whim, call it a lapse in judgement, I agreed to make a trek to Colfax, IA last weekend for a fantabulous night at their local demolition derby.

I have three boys and two men that are constantly in my life, so none of this seems like a stretch for me.  They do crap I want to all the time, they take me places, they spend their money doing a bunch of stuff they don't really want to, but they do it to appease me.  So I've convinced myself that I can do this, that I can sit on some bleachers watching cars crash into eachother, sling a little mud and head home for the night.  Plus, the entire night was going to cost all of $20.  I can't take my family to McDonald's for less than that ...

We get to Colfax and everyone is hungry, the initial plan was to grab McDonald's on the way into town - but the boys had just had that last night, and the thought of spending 80 points on whatever meal I got didn't appeal to me.  I was being a brat and throwing a tantrum and wanted to find something else.  Google told me there is a pizza place, a Subway, a McDonalds and a diner of some sort ... the pizza place had a 45 minute wait so we went in search of Subway. 

We found Subway, ordered, sat down, and I was about 5 inches into my footlong and I couldn't chew.  I didn't have to keep going to know what was in my mouth.  A piece of fatty, ligament, nasty, hard, whatever the hell it's called meat filler in my mouth.  I get the chills, I am seriously ready to throw up.  C'mon.  I do the right thing, I order a turkey sub with spinach and cucumber and THIS is the thanks I get!??!  This is horseshit.

Annoyed, I refuse to take another bite, reminding myself that next time I'll get a cheese sandwich...or a veggie delite...something that would have less chance of making me want to vomit. 

We make our way to the derby.  pay our admission, drive down the gravel road and I feel like fell bass ackwards into a country song.  I have never, ever, in my life seen so many pickup trucks, cans of bush light, or people smoking their cigarettes in my entire life.  I swallowed - hard.  Trying to be excited, trying to be happy, trying to be fun, trying to be a good sport.  I realized, almost instantly, that we should have came straight to the fairgrounds rather than getting dinner.  Afterall, the most expensive item on their concession stand was like $2 - a helluva lot cheaper than my wretched subway.  Turns out, everyone gets to back their pickup trucks directly up to the gates and enjoy the show from the bed of their truck.  There are four small sets of bleachers that are completely full - I mean, COMPLETELY full.  We walk around the arena and come across a spot that has room for about two adults, we are about to fit three adults and three children.  Travis asks the guy right behind the spot if the seats are taken and he tells us to go ahead and sit down.

Lady on the lawn chair next to the bleachers starts objecting, telling me that these seats are taken.  Now, I would love to tell you that SHE was being irrational, that SHE was being unreasonable, but this blog is loaded with honesty and I see no reason to stop that now.  It was ME who was irrational and unreasonable.  I felt like I just walked through a ring of fire (which was actually just cigarette smoke and spilled beer) - I could hear the intro to the tom petty song "wont back down" and if I was about to throw down over these seats.  Just before I was able to prove that despite my brushed teeth, washed hair, and clothing that appropriately covers my body, I will get loud, I will get crazy and I have NO problem being mean, her husband interjects and tells her that he didn't mind giving up his seat, that, "these people have small kids and need a place to sit"  I apologized to her for the things I did and didn't say, she apologized too.

This was not my element - it really, REALLY wasn't.  There was far too much smoking for my liking, we were outside and it felt like everyone was smoking and blowing their smoke right at me and my kids.  I was frustrated by the parents who were holding their babies and smoking at the same time.  I was really irritated that the "officials" or flag people were chain smoking - one right after another! They are like the "cool people" that all of the kids are watching and they have a flag in one hand, cig in another.  Gross.  I was annoyed that people had their newborn babies out at this event, I was annoyed that the "DJ" had a playlist with the same four songs that were playing over and over and over again, I was REALLY annoyed that the theme of the derby was "Get Smashed in Colfax" - my kids wanted t-shirts and THAT wasn't going to happen.

Truth be told, it was a stretch to get the boys to look at me long enough to take the pictures and the biggest two wouldn't look at me.  whatever.  so they had a good time.  the youngest two asked to go to the car with two heats left ... it was about 9pm and was getting dark and I held the boys' hands and made the long trek back to the mini van... it's funny though, every thing I've said about this derby and I would tell you that I wasn't nervous at all while walking two kids by myself in a field of pickup trucks and wrangler jeans ... i figured, in general, the most trouble I would have found was with lawn chair lady, and that was hours ago....and I was right.

There are a million songs about trucks, coon hounds, country back roads, good ol' boys, tailgates and tan lines and I know a good many of them.  someday, local fair grounds will join the rest of iowa in being a smoke free event.  Until then, I'll take solace in the fact that my boys were disgusted by the smoking almost as much as I was ... and when you ask them what they remember about Saturday night, they talk about cars and mini vans crashing into each other....so maybe they weren't in culture shock, maybe they'll be just fine if they have this much exposure to THIS breed of redneck once or twice a year....

Twenty Ten Baby

Once upon a time I was pregnant and was drinking 100 ounces of water to keep my blood pressure low so i didn't have to have a baby earlier than i wanted to.  I had a doctors appointment on Wed the 18th, was told by the doctor to stay home the 19th because he wanted to recheck my levels the next day once I had rested...went in on the 19th and they redrew labs.  I figured the next step was bed rest, I didn't figure a baby.

I got The Osborn Call that evening when my labs came back, telling me that while my blood pressure and swelling were amazing, my platelets were not.  damn.  surgery the next day.  I remember asking him if it was too early.  I was only 35 weeks pregnant.  he said we'd just have to see.

The next morning, my 7 pound, 15.4 ounce baby was born via csection.

I loved my OB - he was great - after months of promising me that he would get me some valium to calm me down before the spinal - he laughed, said I was fine and that he must have lied to me, but that i'm here and i'm doing great so we're going to keep going.  WHAT?!!?  The ONLY reason I was fine was because I was supposed to have SOME type of anti anxiety medication and I got a the dr who I had seen through three high risk pregnancies and 8 years of exams is laughing at me.  I was floored.  All in all, he was right, I was fine. 

A few hours after he was born I noticed that he was grunting - like a little piggy - I mentioned it to the nurse and she said she would check his oxygen levels.  Turns out grunting in infants is a sign of respiratory distress....they moved him to the NICU before anyone met him. 

I had to fight tooth and nail to do things that I knew as a mother to do - breastfeed, hold him, see him.  And made the swift decision that no one was meeting him until my older boys had.  (Have I ever told you how good I am at making waves??)  Grandma's and Grandpa's were irate, friends were bummed and I was clenching to this one.last.thing. that it felt I was in control over. 

Two days later he was discharged back to the "regular" nursery because my pediatrician is amazing.  my business partner and budding best friend came later that evening to visit and to tell me that she quit her job with the wicked witch of the west via text...it was probably the best evening in the hospital i've ever had :)

About Aaron:

~ he could not have been an Ace or Apollo
~ he is the baby of the family, however is afraid of no one.  brothers be dammed.
~ he will tell on you, even if you think he wont
~ he loves tractors, fast cars, helicopters and every sport possible
~ he loves rollerblades and will tell you all about how he is going to pway bwasebawl soon
~ he loves water, swimming, sprinklers and playing in daycare's drinking fountain
~ he loves food, but generally refuses to sit still during a meal
~ he bites - a lot.
~ he is EXTREMELY ticklish
~ he is EXTREMELY tall and SO thin
~ he has EXTREMELY large feet
~ he rarely will poop in the potty (though he's pretty perfect with pee!)
~ he loves his binky - still.  AND his daddy has decided that he's done with it today.  (mean ol' daddy)

You are indecisive but can be persuaded with logic and reason most of the time.  you don't respond to someone yelling/hollering at you, this makes you shut down.  you are the biggest helper when it comes to cleaning and picking up - you are always insisting that SOMEONE let you help in SOME way...

Aaron, you have your mother's infectious laugh and your fathers sense of adventure.  My predictions about you:  saying goodbye to the binky will be REALLY hard for you.  you will be my tallest child.  you will be trouble for us, you aren't afraid of ANYTHING.  I cannot remember a time when you weren't in our lives.  We love you SO much and are SO happy that we decided to have just one more baby :)  As soon as you were born I felt whole, I felt complete...my soul needed you and I'm so happy that I have you.

you're just like your mother.

from the day austin was born I have been told how much like Travis he is.  He looks like him, thinks like him, acts like him ... does everything justlikehim.  right, we get it, he's his father's child.  i get it.  say it again and see what happens.

at a family reunion in nowhere'sville, iowa I was watching my kids play on the park ...for the record, I was also watching my nieces and most of the family's kids ages 7 and under because, well, they weren't and I was trying to make sure no one kidnapped anyone.  i had some sweet scenarios playing out in my head, by the way, of how i would stop the would be assailant.  more to come on that.

This 6ish year old boy walks up to my three boys, who were playing with their two soccer balls and yanks one out of my 7 year old's hands.  I'm sitting across the grassy area in a park bench, watching - waiting for his mother to jump up and intervene and no woman appears - of course she doesn't, why would she?  so austin tells the boy what he's playing and the boy starts yelling that he's not playing that game....he's playing his own game.  austin tells him that it's not the parks ball - it's his ball and he doesn't want to share with him.  still no mother?  seriously?  i mean, i'm about to get all east side on this kid because his parents aren't stepping forward and i'm not a fan of the fact that he's acting like a douche in front of my younger boys, who are watching austin to see how he handles it.

austin looks up, makes eye contact with me, looks at the kid, snatches the ball out of his hand and tells him he can find someone else to play with because, "WE dont want to play with you."  and follows with "this is my ball,  these are my brothers, and that is my mom if you don't like it."  white trash mother enters, stage left.  charging up on the group of boys like she has someone's honor to avenge (to be clear, she couldn't spell honor, and IF she could spell avenge, it's only because her kid made her buy every avengers figurine that the wal-mart had...) halfway drags her little boy off, telling him SOME kids aren't nice and he shouldn't WANT to play with boys who aren't nice.  austin looks up at me and shrugs - i crack up laughing.  

crazy mothers - funny.

the next round of him being like me was in the car on the way home - i am an incessant about flipping through radio stations.  you know how your husband flips through tv channels?  and you're thinking "JUST LEAVE IT!  PICK SOMETHING before I stab you with the closest object that will penetrate flesh!!!"  right - that's me with the radio.  I flip, sing, commercial, flip, flip, flip, sing, commercial, scan, flip, flip, scan, sing -  i'm awful.  truthfully, i'm not sure how my husband can tolerate it.  my not-always-so-sweet seven year old has inherited these traits and is executing them perfectly.  he sings right with me to every song on the radio (my brio magazine upbringing tells me to proceed with caution, my desire to listen to country music says brio sucks, that she's probably still pretending to be a virgin and that i should listen to whatever i want, because serial killers are rarely wearing cowboy hats in their mug shots...).  i hope to record/video tape him singing cruise by florida georgia line soon ... because it's adorable. 

i love him.  even if i the only indication i have that he is mine are his blue eyes, big attitude, and incessant flipping/singing every lyric that he does know and making up the ones he doesn't.  i got the important things.

9 week WW update

I can't believe it's been 9 weeks since I've been on weight watchers....i know i haven't updated much about it, just seemed like there was no reason to because ...wellll, there were funnier stories about children pooping in various places...

i know, i know - i can laugh about it now....

ok, so in total, I have lost 23 pounds and, depending on the brand, 2 pant sizes or is it considered 4...i'm not sure how to say that....here are things i've learned:

1)  i'm probably close to have to start exercising - i just hate doing that because it always makes me hungrier and i feel famished and then my head justifies that i can eat way more than i should.

2)  i dont eat the extra points.  the math doesn't work in my head.  i dont understand how that could work -- i mean, if the key is weight loss, how is it "sorta" ok to cheat?  i kinda feel like they are there to show you that you overate when you are perplexed about why you didn't lose weight - but that is JUST because anytime I go over on my points and dip into my extra points I don't lose more than half a pound....and generally, i gain. 

3)  i gain weight with my cycle.  i've managed to have 2 periods and both times I have gained.  thanks water weight. 

4)  there are definitely haters out there.  wanna hear who the biggest haters are???  my parents.  they are CONSTANTLY trying to make me feel shitty about declining a food or drink.  it's exhausting.  not only that, but when i was at like 19 pounds down, i got a snarky comment about how it's just a drop in the bucket and how its easy to lose weight when you're starving.  confuse me?! 

the funny part is that it's BECAUSE of my dad's health and mine being SO close, SO similar that i decided to do this.  make changes.  pay attention.  be a grown up and stop feeling sorry for myself and looking for a magic get skinny quick plan.  and THEY are the ones who get shisty when it comes to me doing this "diet" ... i dont seek approval or input from my family on anything...and anyone who has known me for longer than ten minutes knows why.  but seriously, why can't people just think before they speak?

either way, i'm excited that this is going so well!  thrilled actually!!  I am looking forward to continued success!!

moody

i'm a pretty literal person.  i tend to see things for face value in most situations and i appreciate my ability to be able to call bullshit when i see it or see through people when they are holding back.  it's hard to ignore.  tends to feel like a superpower sometimes. 

its probably how pretty people feel, or smart people, or rich people - <insert snarky voice here> must be SO awful to be gorgeous, or highly intelligent, or have a ton of money...

when i find that it REALLY sucks is when the LOML (love of my life - just made that up - just now) is in a mood.  i wouldn't say that he is in a "mood" more often than me, I would simply say his moods last longer than mine.  days longer.

this was the phone call i got last night:

H:  schweaty balls!!
T:   what do you want for dinner.
H:  ummmm, i dont know, i'm open for anything?  you wanna grill?
T:   everything's frozen (keep in mind he sounds like he just watched someone kick his dog to death...)
H:   okay ... well ... i'm finishing up here and i'll be home...
T:   well - so - nothing? or?  you don't want me to start anything? no suggestions?
H:  not really - but i can think about it

let me mention that it was at 4:40 at night.  he had been home since 4:15 i guess.  i say "i guess" because he no longer comes to say he's heading home for the night, which, whatever.  doesn't actually bother me as much as you're probably thinking it does based on the fact that i'm mentioning it, but is just something i'm throwing out there.

so i'm thinking that he's probably just fed up with the kids or trying to get stuff done and that's why he's on edge.  i grab the 4 newly purchased laundry baskets and fruit - lots of fruit (grapes, kiwi, strawberries, bananas and a pineapple) plus two new backpacks and head toward the house. 

i very effortlessly (ha.) position the hampers filled with backpacks and fruit against the house while i'm opening the door, halfway drop the baskets and almost dump thirty dollars worth of fruit onto the sexy blue laminate flooring that greets me as i walk into my house.

he's sitting on the chair in the front room watching me.  no, no, just sit there.  don't get up.  i'm good over here.  i went from being convinced that i could turn his night around to wanting to freak out on the next person to talk to me. 

lucky for him the next person was aaron.

there aren't a lot of people who have the ability to affect my mood.  but i'll tell you - he does.  he can make or break my day in a stupid way.  drives me nuts.

my point in my superpowers is that i'll ask him what's wrong and i get a look with a sigh followed by a nothing.  nothing.  nothing?  seriously?  i doubt it.  something has obviously flipped your switch in some way - but you'll tell me you're tired and i'll sigh and we'll get in a fight because i'll push you to tell me what's going on when in reality there is nothing going on and i'm just being a girl, which that doesn't happen very often.

so regardless, whatever the underlying reason is - because, dear friends, there is an underlying reason. - i will let it go <this time> and hope that your "tired" wears off after you slept ...but it won't because that's how we roll.

He WHAT?!?!

on sunday, Trav's phone rang, i'm not sure what the ringtone is, but it's loud and obnoxious...I suppose that helps him to answer it rather than just letting it ring.  I was on the couch, assuming a typical Sunday position, and he started talking to the caller.

It's normally one of like four people - Josh (who was at our house, so it wasn't him), his parents (who we had just spent like three days with, so I was assuming it wasn't them), a client (those calls are always really short) or a solicitor (also a short call).  So he's listening and I'm wondering what's going on.

My boys have this special ability to show up anytime anyone is on a phone call and be disruptive.  So they walk into the living room, just about to open their mouths and bug their dad when he moves his phone away from his mouth and yells, "YOU TOOK A SHIT IN YOUR GRANDMOTHERS TRASH CAN!?!?!??!"

Both boys mouths open, jaws dropped, no words are formed, no objections made.  Eventually Aden manages to point to Austin, where Austin frantically exclaims, "Aden told me to!  He said it would be funny!"

Funny!?  I feel like we have very different definitions of funny.

I had a flash of that stupid Christmas Movie where the mother gets the phone call that Ralphie used the F word.  That she freaks out, comes unglued and stuffs a bar of soap in his mouth.

I sat on the couch, blinking.  Stunned.  They literally took a shit in their grandmother's trash can.  I managed to raise my arm to indicate they needed to go to their bedrooms and utter a, "now."

Two hours later they came back down, asking if they could be done upstairs and I asked them if they knew what they had done wrong.  They started laughing and giggling and couldn't hold a straight face so I sent them back upstairs.  This process repeated for a large portion of the afternoon/evening.  Eventually, they returned with faces that looked like remorse....might have just been defeat from being confined to their respective four walls, and two windows for the preceding 5 hours.  Either way.  They knew it was wrong, they knew it was gross.

The next day, Aden mentioned that his friends got to go to his Grandma's house for a WHOLE WEEK in the summer and Austin piped up, asking why they don't get to go to THEIR Grandma's house for a whole week...my reply was that Sam & Cam probably don't poop in their Grandmother's trash cans for fun.

Silence.

So WHY am I sharing this with you?  Because some day, this will be a funny story and I will want to remember it.

Evidently my MIL was telling hubby that SHE didn't want to call, that SHE didn't even think it was that big of a deal but that FIL thought it was something we should know.  You're damn right we should!!!!!  I realize that they love our boys no matter what stunt they pull, and so do I - but there is NO WAY they were going to get away with THAT.  I was grateful that she called.  Grossed out.  Embarrassed as HELL.  But Glad.

Valley Fair

June has escaped me in a big way, so I needed to take just a few minutes to write about how AMAZING our weekend was.

We loaded up the mini van and schlepped the kids plus Aunt Tara to Minnesota where we met my sister and her three kids and headed off to Valley Fair.  Let me just start by saying, hip hip ho-frickin-ray for Aunt Tara being there.  I told her that she should literally market her skills and go on family vacations with people to fabulous places (as if they get much better than a trip in a mini van to minnesota?!) and be a helping hand with their kids.

She was WONDERFUL.  She did stuff.  She helped.  She disciplined she with us, not against us.  She reached things when they fell.  She gave of herself and genuinely interacted with our kids.  It was amazing.

Now, before you get snarky about me taking someone with us, or telling me that it's possible that I had too many kids if i NEED her to go - my logic was simple...she was intended to be someone who would hang back with the stroller when the need presented itself at Valley Fair.  As an amazing bonus, she was so much more than that.  She kept arguing with me when I paid for her food (give me a break, Wendy's for dinner Friday, Pizza Ranch for dinner Saturday and McDonalds for breakfast on Sunday was all I could cover because she was sneaky at the park and bought her own food) and jumped in with my sister's kids and was well worth the minimal cost of the meal and her ticket at Valley Fair.

My kids had a blast.  Wanna know why?!?!?!  Because their parents were having fun.  We were relaxed and enjoying ourselves and everything was how they show it on the Disney commercials!!!

So a few highlights from the weekend:

~ Austin had to be bribed with $15 to ride the kiddie roller coaster  ($5 from me, $10 from his dad), this is the same roller coaster that Aden and Aaron rode like three times each...
~ Travis rode the Wild Thing and Corkscrew -- and gave me hell because I didn't ... am I afraid of these rides?  No, actually, I'm not, but I am kinda that person that has a hard time balancing a trip/day for "adults" and "kids" ... I got nervous that I would get gung ho on rides I actually wanted to go on and end up stealing their thunder.  So I stuck to the kiddie area...
~ My niece rode every single roller coaster in the park except for two ... because they shut one down and the other one she wasn't tall enough for - go Ava Rae.
~ Pizza Ranch post Valley Fair is the best option in the world.  Everyone eats rightthissecond and it's a beautiful thing.
~ my nieces all have a pretty insane sense of adventure, my boys have a desire to live and will not be made to die by the scrambler no matter how many times their cousins tell them they are safe
~ we all watched Identity Thief and laughed - a lot.
~ my sister and i stayed up until reallllllyyyy late talking and i loved it...i also loved it when Tara would wake up, jump in the coversation and pass right back out :)  It was good stuff.

This is going to be a good week.

That's all I've got for now, a super random update -  sorry about that.